Note : Some changes have been made from the original post. Please review.
Full disclosure; me and bae are taking some time…or breaking up? I’m not really sure where we landed, but … must not dwell. Needless to say, I’m sad. Raise your hand if you’ve ever tried the “Sufjan Stevens, Elliot Smith and Death Cab for Cutie” playlist recovery method. If you’re hand isn’t up you’re a fucking liar. Well, I came up with this radical idea to move past the “I could have loved your better” “smelling your old shirt in the shower” put-to-music crap we’re accustomed to and listen to something that validates our worth and gives us strength. Yes, you’re going through a breakup, I’m going through a breakup, we’re all going through a break up. Yes, it hurts. Do we need to make it worse by listening to ballads of lost love? NO. What we need is a bombardment of girl power anthems. Songs that remind us that we’re more than whatever marginalized second class citizen pop culture has lead us to believe we are without a man. You matter, I matter, we all matter, and we deserve to feel it. So prepare to feel empowered (If you’re hoping to see Taylor Swift, I apologize. You won’t find her here). Feel free to go off book, these are just some really fantastic suggestions.
Grigio Girls – Lady Gaga : Obviously I’m going to kick this off with Gaga: 1. because she’s perfect and 2. because she knows and thing or two about heartbreak. And drinking a lot of wine with your best girls is exactly the first thing you should do. Get all the feels out now.
Tambourine – Eve : Now go out and dance.
Stronger – Britney Spears : Every playlist needs some Britney. I don’t care what the playlist is. It could be “Bob Dylan’s Greatest Hits” and it wouldn’t be complete without Britney.
So What – P!ink : It’s pink (p!ink*, whatever). Judge me all you want, but this song got me through some hard times when I was 17, and it still does today at age 25. And if you look deep into your heart, you know it’s exactly what you need.
Survivor – Destiny’s Child : Nuff said.
Shake it off – Mariah Carey : OK OK OK. If you know me, you’ve maybe heard me rant a teeny bit about my deep hate for Mariah Carey. I’M SORRY I’M A HYPOCRITE (I also hate ferrets, but I’m not going to kick one in the face – is that the same thing?) It’s like she’s reading my mind.
No Scrubs – TLC : Obviously.
SILVER SPRINGS – FLEETWOOD MAC : Always play this on repeat. Always always always. Stevie’s had a lot of heart ache, done a lot of coke and really knows what she’s talking about. This might divert slightly from the “no heartbreak songs” idea, but it’s my go to.
Just a Girl – No Doubt : Not only is it a song that really gets you going, but I also choreographed a dance to this song for the 7th grade talent show. So, there you go.
Manicure – Lady Gaga : Maybe go out and have a one night stand?
Flawless REMIX – Beyonce ft. Niki Minaj : You is kind, you is smart, you is important. Never forget that you are perfect the way you are.
Rebel Girl – Bikini Kill : Because maybe a girl crush is the cure for your boy afflictions.
To be Myself Completely – Belle and Sebastian : Sometimes you’ve gotta ditch the extra body to be your best self.
Dragon Queen – Yeah Yeah Yeahs : Because that’s what you are; a god damn dragon queen.
Good – Better than Ezra : Maybe take a break to think about the good times? Only if you feel like it. No pressure.
I’m Out – Ciara ft. Niki Minaj : Because he’s an idiot and he is going to regret the day he left me. And also, if he finds someone new, it’s completely fair to fight her.
When I’m gone – Vivian Girls : What will he do when I’m gone? Have a lot of fucking time to miss me. That’s what.
Ex’s & Oh’s – Elle King : Turn the tables on society’s expectations of female sexuality and be the one who does the heartbreaking and one-night-standing.
My Song 5 – Haim : Honey, I’m not your honey pie.
Used to Love You – Gwen Stefani : SUITCASE, MAYONNAISE. Those aren’t the lyrics, but try to un hear it now.
The Knife – Heartbeats : More dancing.
Bulletproof – La Roux : Don’t even “that’s so 2009” me. You need this, just accept it.
Bloody Mary – Lady Gaga : Another Gaga (you know you love it) because even without him, you’re still completely you in all your whimsical, satan-worshiping glory.
I’m Like a Bird – Nelly Furtado : If you’re a bird I’m a bird. Except no, don’t go there. PLEASE don’t put on The Notebook, we’re not ready for that right now.
Breaking Up – Charli XCX : Listing all of his flaws can be extremely cathartic.
Superwoman – Alicia Keys : Alicia Keys knows how to love herself. And not in the annoying Mariah Carey way. She knows her worth and doesn’t even wear makeup.
You’re so Vain – Carly Simon : They all are, am I right?
Fuck You – Lily Allen : lol. (Also, this aligns pretty perfectly with the Trump administration…)
Fighter – Christina Aguilera : Not my favorite diva, but I think it’s fitting.
Brave – Sara Bareillis : Heading into the unknown is scary. That’s part of the reason breakups suck so much. Hold your head up high and be brave.
Evil Friends – Portugal the Man : (one of the few songs not performed by a diva) NEVER BE FRIENDS WITH YOUR EX.
Fading – Rihanna : Because you outgrew that bastard and he deserves to know it.
Man, I Feel Like a Woman – Shania Twain : The thing is, I probably will in fact color my hair AND do what I dare.
Girls – Santigold : GIRLS GIRLS GIRLS, say it loud, say it proud!
Reaper – Sia : (minus the “a man to hold” bit). Rise above the bad times like a phoenix from the ashes! Recognize all the amazing things in your life.
Sorry – Beyonce : Middle. Fingers. Up.
Shout Out To My Ex – Little Mix : I’ve never been dumped by and ex member of One Direction via text message. But if this chick can survive that…I’ll be just fine, and so will you.
Wide Open Spaces – Dixie Chicks : Aside from the drastic haircut, I’ll probably also move away…I need new faces.
Alejandro – Lady Gaga : Gaga comes full circle. Couldn’t be more situationally specific. It’s like she’s singing right to me. I know that we are young, and I know that you may love me. But I just can’t be with you like this anymore, Alejandro. THE END.